15 Fashion Catalog Poses From The ’70s That Were The Most Awkward Thing Ever

Ah, the fabulous 1970s—a time when fashion was bold, colors were louder than disco, and catalogs were unintentionally hilarious masterpieces.

I still remember flipping through my mom’s old Sears catalogs, wide-eyed and giggling, wondering if people actually posed like that in real life. Spoiler alert: they did… sort of. There was something magical about those overly enthusiastic smiles, dramatic power stances, and head-tilts so sharp they defied anatomy.

And the outfits? Think matching plaid sets, flared pants you could camp under, and collars that doubled as airplane wings. It was a glorious mix of confidence and chaos. Those catalog poses weren’t just awkward—they were performance art.

Somehow, they captured the strange, stylish spirit of the ’70s in all its polyester glory. So here’s to the models who struck those wild poses and gave us fashion moments we’ll never forget!

1. The Mannequin Family Huddle

Nothing says “we’re totally a real family” like five catalog models standing shoulder-to-shoulder with thousand-yard stares! The classic family huddle pose featured adults and children arranged like bowling pins, wearing matching polyester outfits that no actual family would coordinate.

I once tried recreating this pose at our family reunion – big mistake. We looked like hostages in a fabric store. These poor models had to maintain frozen smiles while the photographer probably yelled, “Look natural!” – the most unnatural instruction ever.

The worst part? Those weird hand placements. Dad’s hand awkwardly hovering near Mom’s shoulder, never quite touching it, while the kids stood ramrod straight like they’d been starched along with their collars.

2. The Mid-Air Jump of Joy

Gravity defied! Models leaping into the air with their arms spread wide, faces contorted in what can only be described as forced ecstasy – all to sell everyday items like jeans or casual shirts. Who jumps for joy over corduroys?

My cousin worked as a catalog model briefly in the late ’70s and told me these jumps took dozens of attempts. Imagine jumping repeatedly for hours while trying to look spontaneously happy about pocket details on denim.

The photographer would capture that awkward moment when the model’s feet were off the ground but their face hadn’t yet registered the impending landing pain. Bonus points for the weird shadows these poses cast and the inevitable wrinkled clothing that somehow still needed to look perfectly pressed.

3. The Impossible Lean

Defying physics became a modeling requirement in the ’70s! Models would lean at precarious 45-degree angles that would send normal humans toppling over. I tried this pose once in my bell-bottoms and nearly broke my grandmother’s lamp.

These poses always featured models with one hand casually in a pocket while their bodies tilted like the Tower of Pisa. The women’s versions were particularly painful – try leaning sideways in 4-inch platform shoes without falling!

What makes this pose extra cringe-worthy is knowing there was probably an assistant just out of frame holding the model up. And yet the catalogs presented these poses as casual, everyday stances you might naturally adopt while waiting for the bus in your new polyester leisure suit.

4. The Synchronized Swimwear Squad

Behold the nightmare fuel of ’70s summer catalogs: five uncomfortably posed models in matching swimwear arranged like synchronized swimmers on dry land! I still have nightmares about the time my swim team tried to recreate one of these poses for our yearbook.

These poor souls stood in height order, hands on hips, with those dead-behind-the-eyes smiles that screamed “help me.” The poses always involved some bizarre arrangement – perhaps a human pyramid or a conga line – that no one would ever naturally form at a real beach.

The matching suits in eye-searing colors made everything worse, especially with those high-cut legs and low-cut tops. Add in the fact that male models often wore swimwear so tight it left absolutely nothing to the imagination, and you’ve got peak catalog awkwardness.

5. The Telephone Cord Tangle

Long before wireless phones, catalog models demonstrated the art of looking glamorous while hopelessly entangled in telephone cords. Picture this: a woman in a silky robe stretched across a bed, phone cord wrapped around her like a boa constrictor, smile suggesting this is perfectly comfortable.

My mom had photos from when she modeled briefly for a department store catalog, and the photographer actually tied the phone cord around her arm “for visual interest.” These poses always featured the model twirling the cord with one finger while giving a coy look that said, “Yes, I always call my friends while doing the splits on my satin bedspread.”

The worst versions included multiple people sharing one phone, heads pressed together in an intimacy no actual phone users would endure, all while that tangled cord wrapped around them like some kind of polyester python.

6. The Pants-Pulling Parade

Apparently, the best way to show off pants in the ’70s was to have models grab fistfuls of their own fabric and pull outward! First time I saw one of these poses in my dad’s old JCPenney catalog, I thought the model was having some kind of wardrobe malfunction.

These bizarre poses featured models yanking their pant legs sideways as if demonstrating the remarkable stretchiness of polyester. Men would stand with legs spread wide, tugging their bell-bottoms while giving a thumbs-up or winking at the camera – because nothing says “buy these pants” like looking like you’re about to rip them.

Women’s versions were equally strange, often including a weird half-squat while pulling the fabric. The catalog copy would rave about “room to move” while the model’s face clearly said, “I went to acting school for this?”

7. The Floating Head Family Portrait

Feast your eyes on the stuff of nightmares: family members wearing turtlenecks in matching colors, photographed from the shoulders up in a diamond or circular arrangement. My grandparents actually paid good money for our family to recreate this pose in 1979, and the resulting portrait still haunts our hallway.

These catalog images typically showcased a new line of turtlenecks or collared shirts, with four to six floating heads arranged in a pattern reminiscent of a bizarre flower or perhaps a cult emblem. Each family member stared in a slightly different direction, creating the unsettling effect that they weren’t actually in the same room.

The crowning touch was always the awkward overlap of heads, suggesting that Dad’s disembodied face was somehow hovering just inches from Junior’s ear. No wonder so many of us have childhood trauma!

8. The Unnecessary Squat

Fashion models in the ’70s apparently needed to demonstrate their thigh strength at every opportunity. The unnecessary squat pose featured models in awkward half-crouches that showcased nothing about the clothing except perhaps its resistance to tearing at the seams.

Last year at a vintage fashion show, I watched a modern model try to recreate this pose and promptly topple over. These catalog classics typically showed a model wearing something entirely squat-inappropriate – like a business suit or evening wear – while crouching like they were about to spring into action or perhaps checking for loose change under a sofa.

Women had it worse, often required to perform these squats in platform heels and tight skirts. The resulting pose was neither flattering to the clothes nor physically possible to maintain for more than the seconds needed to snap the photo. Yet somehow, every catalog featured dozens of these contorted crouches.

9. The Windblown Indoor Phenomenon

Magic indoor wind machines must have been standard equipment in every ’70s photo studio! These puzzling poses featured models with hair and clothing billowing dramatically – despite being photographed indoors against solid backdrops or in furnished rooms.

My first modeling gig in high school involved recreating one of these poses. The photographer actually had two assistants frantically waving cardboard to create “movement” in my polyester shirt while I pretended this was completely normal.

The most ridiculous versions showed families in living room settings with everyone’s hair blowing horizontally while they calmly read books or played board games. Even more confusing were the windblown kitchen scenes, suggesting that perhaps the oven was malfunctioning catastrophically while Mom cheerfully prepared a casserole, her apron strings and feathered hair flying at right angles to physics.

10. The Pointing at Nothing Brigade

Catalog models spent an alarming amount of time pointing at absolutely nothing. Groups of wide-collared, platform-shoe-wearing friends would gather to point excitedly at empty space, their faces alight with the joy of discovering… air.

During my brief stint in a local department store ad in 1982, the photographer made us point at a blank wall for nearly an hour. These bizarre tableaus usually featured three or more people, all gesturing toward an invisible spectacle with expressions of astonishment that suggested they were witnessing either the second coming or an exceptional sale on macramé plant hangers.

The pointing hands always formed a perfect diagonal line across the page, creating a visual guide to nothingness. What were they seeing? What warranted such enthusiastic indication? We’ll never know, but their polyester pantsuits and matching turtlenecks were apparently perfect attire for whatever wasn’t actually there.

11. The Newlywed Bed Models

Nothing screams awkward quite like fully-clothed couples posing on beds to sell sheets and comforters! These cringe-worthy catalog classics featured stiffly posed couples in casual daywear (sometimes even shoes!) lounging on perfectly made beds with expressions ranging from vaguely uncomfortable to mildly sedated.

My aunt and uncle actually modeled for one of these shoots in 1976. They weren’t a couple in real life, which made the required gazing into each other’s eyes even more uncomfortable. The poses always involved bizarre positioning – him sitting upright against the headboard while she sprawled perpendicular across his legs, both smiling at the camera as if this was a natural way humans arrange themselves.

Sometimes they’d throw in a breakfast tray or newspaper to suggest that beds were primarily for eating toast fully dressed or catching up on current events while maintaining perfect hair and makeup.

12. The Office Romance Desk Lean

Before sexual harassment policies were properly defined, catalog office wear was modeled through uncomfortably suggestive desk poses. Picture this: a male model in a wide-lapelled suit leaning over a seated female colleague, both staring at a blank piece of paper with expressions of professional fascination.

I found photos of my mom modeling office attire in 1974, and the awkward proximity of her male counterpart made me cringe. These setups invariably positioned the woman seated at a desk while the man hovered above her, standing much closer than any modern HR department would allow.

The poses were made even more uncomfortable by the suggestive catalog copy about “office relationships” and “working closely together.” Add in the woman’s inevitably short skirt and the man’s power-positioning, and you’ve got a masterclass in workplace awkwardness that thankfully wouldn’t make it into print today.

13. The Sporty Couple With One Ball

Active couples in ’70s catalogs apparently shared one basketball, tennis racket, or frisbee between them. These hilariously awkward poses featured couples in matching sportswear fighting over a single piece of sporting equipment while maintaining pageant smiles.

My parents have a photo from their first date where they tried to recreate one of these poses with a tennis racket – it ended with a bloody nose. The catalog versions showed couples in impossibly clean white tennis outfits, both gripping the same racket while gazing lovingly at each other instead of watching where they were swinging.

Basketball variations were even worse, with couples in short-shorts pressing against each other while jointly holding a ball in positions that would make actual gameplay impossible. The best (worst?) versions showed them mid-jump, somehow both touching the ball while beaming at the camera, defying both gravity and the basic rules of sports.

14. The Coordinated Cocktail Party Freeze

Martini glasses raised mid-air, mouths open in eternal laughter, eyes fixed on nothing – welcome to the cocktail party that time forgot! These catalog gems showcased evening wear through the bizarre lens of a party where no one could move or finish their sentences.

Last Halloween, my friends and I dressed as “1970s catalog models” and spent the evening frozen in these poses. The classic setup featured four to six models arranged in a semicircle, each holding a prop drink that was definitely colored water, all caught in various stages of a laugh that would never reach completion.

The women typically wore long polyester dresses with plunging necklines, while men sported ruffled shirts and massive bow ties. Everyone stood at unnatural angles to showcase their outfits, creating the impression of partygoers who’d been suddenly paralyzed while playing an awkward game of Twister with their martini glasses.

15. The Couples Sharing One Sweater

Romance in the ’70s apparently meant wearing the same piece of clothing simultaneously. These bizarre poses featured couples squeezed into oversized sweaters, ponchos, or cardigans, with their heads emerging from the same neck hole or their arms tangled in a fabric pretzel.

My grandparents actually owned one of these “couples sweaters” – a horrifying Christmas gift they wore exactly once. The catalog versions showed impossibly thin models smiling blissfully while compressed together in a single garment, suggesting this was the height of relationship goals rather than a recipe for claustrophobia and certain arguments.

The most awkward variations featured the couple attempting to walk while joined by their shared knitwear, captured mid-stride with forced expressions of delight. Nothing says “I love you” quite like surrendering all personal space and independent movement to demonstrate the stretchiness of acrylic yarn.